Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
I really need help with moving today! I am E Oakland
I really need help with moving today! I am E Oakland my # is 510-798-8985 I can pay you $20. I don't have so many things No furniture, just boxes I need to put in storage, and the rest i will put in my car.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Untitled
A healthy relationship promotes and supports growth and fulfillment for both partners in the relationship. Unfortunately, there are many relationships that take on a toxic dimension due to the personal issues of one or both partners. Abusive behavior isn't always so clear cut - while physical abuse might leave marks, emotional abuse leaves scars that are invisible, but no less damaging over time. Here are 6 signs of emotional abuse in a relationship:
1. You are on the receiving end of criticism frequently in your relationship. He or she might be calling you names, or it could be far more subtle, an undermining of the way you do everyday tasks, or a collection of helpful "suggestions" about the right way to do things.
2. When you arrive home at the close of the day, you feel obliged to give an account of your day. This is not a sharing of the ups and downs in a supportive environment, but a controlling demand that you tell all and then face criticism for your choices. You might find yourself choosing to do things you know your partner will approve of, just to avoid the confrontation.
3. Your time with outside friends and family begins to diminish under pressure from your partner. He or she might "guilt" you into forgoing plans with others (I can't believe you would choose time with her over time with me"), or directly prohibit you from seeing certain people.
4. When an educational or job opportunity comes along, your partner is unsupportive or critical of that as well. Anything that potentially makes you more independent is threatening to the abuser.
5. Sex is not the loving, caring expression of affection between two people, but a method of control. Either your partner demands it of you regardless of your feelings or preferences, or it is intentionally withheld along with other affections to keep your vulnerable, rejected, and under his or her control.
6. Life is often experienced with your partner as "walking on eggshells." There is often an implied non-physical threat for not doing what your partner demands. Occasionally, your partner might do something kind and generous for you, but these events are random or a deliberate attempt to pull you back into the relationship if you are showing signs of pulling away.
By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?
For a free copy of my ebook, "Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-strategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html
Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and "difficult" divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_E_Cook
and this From: http://www.ehow.com/way_5285329_leave-emotionally-abusive-relationship.html
- A healthy relationship features mutual respect, trust, honesty, equality and good communication. Likewise, healthy people are supportive and caring. But these elements are absent in an emotionally abusive relationship. Abusive people make snide remarks and use nasty putdowns. They also demean, ridicule and criticize people they claim to care about. The intent is to gain absolute control over you. Living with emotional abuse is damaging. Your sense of self diminishes, and you find yourself doubting your perceptions and your sense of reality. If you find yourself dating an emotionally abusive person, it is best to get out of the relationship early. End the relationship at the first sign of abuse. Hoping things will get better or trying harder are futile. You can spot abuse early by knowing the warning signs like jealousy, isolation, mood swings
and control.However, because abuse starts out slowly and subtly, it is easy to miss these early signs while dating. Before you know it, you find yourself coupled with an emotionally abusive person. At this point, knowing when to leave becomes complicated. You may be financially dependent on the abuser or you may be cut off from family and friends. But don't let your fears about the future keep you from taking care of yourself. If your situation has progressed to the point that you walk on eggshells, feel emotionally unsafe and fear angering your partner, your circumstances are dire. It is time to consider leaving. Other indicators that it may be time to leave include:
• a fear that your partner will hurt you or your children,
• a loss of spontaneity and enthusiasm about life,
• a belief that something is wrong with you or that you are crazy,
• an internal critical voice
• a desire to run away or escape
Finally, you will know it is time to leave when the cost of staying outweighs the cost of leaving. Remember, abuse is a choice. There is nothing you can do to keep your partner from abusing you. Despite your best efforts, your relationship will never change unless your partner changes. No one deserves abuse. Everyone has a right to be cared for and to feel safe -- and so do you. - The idea of leaving may overwhelm you at first. You may have fears about money, safety, your future and your children. Considering these factors is a crucial step in determining the exact timing of your departure; but these decisions should not be made in isolation. Finding help and support for your situation is vital. Contact a counselor trained in abuse or a shelter in your area. If the first person you talk to does not take your situation seriously, keep trying until you find someone who will listen to you. Your support person should allow you to set your own timetable. Do not let someone else make decisions for you. Be realistic in setting your goals. Can you be ready to be leave in three months? Six months? A year? Only you can decide the exact timing. Learning to trust yourself, and your instincts will serve you well once you leave.
- Once you decide to leave, remember escaping an emotionally abusive relationship can be dangerous -- even if your partner has never hit you. Safety should be your top concern. Abuse often escalates during a breakup. Take precautions and develop a safety plan. Your counselor, advocate or pastor can help you. Stash away money, find work if you do not have a job and arrange a place to stay. Locate important documents like financial records, insurance cards, car titles, Social Security cards and birth certificates and put them in a safe place. Keep a journal that documents the abuse. Describe each incident and how you felt. List the date and any witnesses (including children). Finally, be prepared to leave immediately in case your partner becomes violent. Have a bag packed with personal items, clothing and a phone card or pre-paid cell phone. Leave this bag at a friend's house or hide it in your car's trunk. Hide an extra set of keys in a place you can get to quickly. Abusive people are unpredictable. So, be prepared for any scenario, but do not rush yourself. You need to be emotionally strong and sure about what you are doing. Leaving an abusive relationship takes time, planning and patience. Move at a pace that is comfortable for you.
Evaluate Your Situation
Set A Timetable
Put It All Together
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Grief
Apparently no-one wants me to live near them or in their house, I am dying from a lack of real friends yet no-one can understand that I have grief, so my life has been a mess and nobody wants to really know me, fine.
So I am on my own. This is not new to me. I raised my daughters on my own, I raised myself with the help of my big sister, I miss her so. She was more of a Momma to me than anyone. She died of bone cancer. She passed away being loved. I realize now that I may never be truly loved or understood, I did have this once but sadly he also died. I am trying very hard to live the highest path, I do not understand why my pain causes others to shut me out. what am I doing that is so terrible no-one wants to even know me?
Mother's Day a Double Edged Sword
I have been crying all day
It started with nightmares and flashbacks
I am still very sick with bronchitis
I couldn't wake up, I almost didn't want to
My Mother was a child molesting drunk
she is dead now and I am glad
she will never hurt anyone again
My youngest daughter was taken from me when she was 4 1/2
by my ex mother in -law who didn't even know me
she wanted my daughter before she was even born
demanded visitation rights while I was still nursing!
It broke me and my little family of girls
we couldn't even say her name out loud for a long time
I moved back to Washington to fight for custody
I learned there is only justice for those that have the big bucks to pay lawyers (liars)
She is turning 20 now and out of her grandmothers house and clutches
We haven't all been together in 12 years?
It's going to happen at the end of this month
this will be my Mothers day
to see my beautiful daughters laughing together again!
knowing this will keep me going
and going up to Washington at the end of the month
My daughters are amazing
I love them with all my broken heart
I live near my oldest
I miss her little sisters
I need to be closer to them
because my heart is breaking
Mother's Day a double edged Sword
I have been crying all day
It started with nighmares and flashbacks
I am still very sick with bronchitus
I couldn't wake up, I almost didn't want to
My Mother was a child molesting drunk
she is dead now and I am glad
she will never hurt anyone again
My youngest daughter was taken from me when she was 4 1/2
by my ex mother in -law who didn't even know me
she wanted my daughter before she was even born
demanded visitation rightw while I was still nursing!
It broke me and my little family of girls
we couldn't even say her name out loud for a long time
I moved back to washington to fight for custody
I learned there is only justice for those that have the big bucks to pay lawyers (liars)
She is turning 21 now and out of her grandmothers house and clutches
We havn't all been together in 12 years?
It's going to happen at the end of this month
this will be my Mothers day
to see my beautiful daughters laughing together again!
knowing this will keep me going
and going up to washington at the end of the month
My daughters are amazing
I love them with all my broken heart
I live near my oldest
I miss her little sisters
I need to be closer to them
because my heart is breaking
Friday, May 7, 2010
Human Bill of Rights
Human Bill of Rights
GUIDELINES FOR FAIRNESS AND INTIMACY
- I have the right to be treated with respect.
- I have the right to say no.
- I have the right to make mistakes.
- I have the right to reject unsolicited advice or feedback.
- I have the right to negotiate for change.
- I have the right to change my mind or my plans.
- I have a right to change my circumstances or course of action.
- I have the right to have my own feelings, beliefs, opinions, preferences, etc.
- I have the right to protest sarcasm, destructive criticism, or unfair treatment.
- I have a right to feel angry and to express it non-abusively.
- I have a right to refuse to take responsibility for anyone else's problems.
- I have a right to refuse to take responsibility for anyone's bad behavior.
- I have a right to feel ambivalent and to occasionally be inconsistent.
- I have a right to play, waste time and not always be productive.
- I have a right to occasionally be childlike and immature.
- I have a right to complain about life's unfairness and injustices.
- I have a right to occasionally be irrational in safe ways.
- I have a right to seek healthy and mutually supportive relationships.
- I have a right to ask friends for a modicum of help and emotional support.
- I have a right to complain and verbally ventilate in moderation.
- I have a right to grow, evolve and prosper.
Pete Walker, M.A.
925-283-4575
1034 Second St, Suite D
Lafayette, CA 94549
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A Week of Change
I went with expectations
dissapointment threatens
I was wrong
High ideals
are just ideals
people are only human
I am only human
I will not put others before myself again
I am the only one to take care of me
that is the healthy way to be
I am not your Momma
I am simply me
with all my flaws
and power
Love is love
it has nothing to do with sex
I do love
people that have let themselves be truly free
to just be
we are all a mirror
when I feel unloved
I am not being loving
nature is glorious
if your prepared for weather
I gave myself a way again
I gave untill illness won
I am NOT your Momma
I need to remember
people may let you down
but the all loving is will not
remember?
Know that you are loved!
